September 2009 to be exact.
My siblings and I became orphans, officially that month. My father passed away last year and mom did this September. Now, we are orphans.
It hurts. There is pain. But that is the truth. We are orphans.
I know it is a normal feeling after the loss - the pain... the emptiness... there's always this lump in my throat... what feels like a dagger in my heart. They may see me smiling as I promised to offer my mother to send her my smile to her grave. But it really really hurts.
September we buried our mother. On the same location where we buried our father last year. Now they are together. Now their sufferings and worries are over and I am glad about that.
September really made me feel the heat bursting from my eyes. Like a a dragon breath, waiting to burst at any moment.
Especially when I remember the lessons learned from both my parents. Lessons that are sometimes unique to me... Or I interpret in a different way, making them little life's values that are especially meant to guide me. Values that I consider helped molding who I am and still makes me a better person.
Most people believe or perceive that I am strong. I do believe I am. I have been through different challenges and struggles of life and I never give up. I always give a good fight. And yes, I am strong.
I am feeling the loss.
I am feeling the pain.
I am feeling the emptiness....
. . . . . No matter how strong I am.